Wait Time

The old saying “patience is a virtue” needs to make a comeback. I am seeing impatience everywhere. I don’t know what is causing the diminishment of patience but I have noticed it in many places I go: in line at a store, in many restaurants, on the road, even at the pool.
In my state, turn right on red is an option. I was pulling up to a red light and the gentleman behind me immediately started honking the horn. This is a familiar crossroads for me so I have some idea of the light cycle, including arrows. I was looking to see where in the cycle the light change was. This person was not a teenager or a young twenty; this gentleman had gray hair I noticed as I peeked into the mirror. The gentleman was still sounding the horn. My thought then became maybe he is ill. It was time to go so I turned the corner into a school zone so as the sign stated I was going 30 miles an hour during the hours of….Long story short the gentleman tailgated me and honked some more. I pulled to the shoulder and got the finger as he drove by very quickly. (And yes it was one of those times I wish the friendly policeman had been close- we were in a school zone and yes there were children on the playground and yes he was speeding around me.) At the next light (left turn) I ended up right behind him (and I wasn’t speeding) and the light was yellow and again the aggravated driver began to honk at the car in front of him as the driver braked as the yellow arrow light turned red. I was behind THE driver until he turned into the nearest store. Nothing looked wrong as he got out the door.
There could be many lessons and directions to this story but two things came to my mind. I became aware of more than a few similar incidents in these weeks since my jarring experience. Just to be clear, I wasn’t always the person in front and I wasn’t even always the driver!! As we all learn in drivers training the person at the head of the line is in the right position to make the choice; the rest of us can’t see the entire picture of the intersection. We need to give that person the respect, safety, and patience to allow the driver to make a safe choice.
Second I connected it with teaching. In working with students for many years I have become aware of the impatience of some students toward the student that either needs or chooses to take a few extra moments to respond. When a student is thinking , forming a thought, or working through a problem, and chooses to take a few extra moments he/she is too frequently looked upon as not being as smart or bright or quick by others. Often times a waiting student chooses to respond by just saying their own answer out loud, or making a snide cutting remark about the student who is supposed to answer. Is there a fear of silence? That immediate answer may be correct but may not be the complete answer or a quality answer. To me this is another form of disrespect. Society is asking for thoughtful, problem solving, and creative students who can communicate well. Let’s give them the chance to do just that.
I am realizing the benefits of being patient when working with others. In teaching we refer to “wait time”- meaning the time a question is asked and before a response is given. About 10 years ago educators were reminded that everyone needs to allow time to formulate a good response; “think before you speak” in a new definition. In this case it is to formulate the answer not to necessary keep from saying something inappropriate. Children (and adults) need the respect to feel comfortable using that wait time. Some highly respected teachers won’t allow anyone in the room to raise a hand for maybe 40 seconds or not at all. It gives everyone an opportunity to formulate an answer or perhaps come up with more than one response. Everyone is expected to be engaged in a response. Formulating a logical thoughtout response seems to then be a priority.
I am becoming more conscious of conversations and I’ve become acutely aware of many people not giving wait time as well as cutting the sharing of a thought short. Not really listening but jumping in with an answer. And then there is the issue of volume.
I hope to never forget Mr. Lantz my junior high math teacher, who said you raise your voice, you lose the argument. Our conversations are becoming louder and more biting in general – just listen all around you- live and on the media. Our children are using adults and media as models. It is no wonder we are hearing the horns, hearing the arguments, hearing the loud put down conversations. Is it any wonder that our students don’t think before they talk?
I wonder if impatience is then a lack of understanding diversity as well as a lack of respect for others. “Patience is a virtue-think before you talk.” We need to give everyone wait time- instead of honking our horns.