Manners

“Mind your manners,” is an old fashioned saying that many people have heard. A lot of people tend to dismiss “old fashioned” and that seems to include manners. With the development of new ways to have contact such as computers and hand held devices the need for new practices of etiquette or manners are coming onto the scene. Have you ever been in a theater, church, class, meeting, or library and had a phone ring? Or have you sat with someone who started texting or answered a phone and stopped your face to face conversation? Curious, I looked up etiquette on Wikipedia, “Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society, though the term itself is not commonly used.”
Consider this; those people who use manners are showing respect. Often the same people receive in kind. Manners offer a way to present oneself that is socially acceptable as well as presenting a comfortable acceptable atmosphere for all involved.
Perhaps it is my age but I have been watching and thinking about manners as I people watch-not just children. Consider these two ideas; first impressions are important and everyone wants to present themselves in an acceptable format.
My Mom would say, “First impressions come once” and “it takes work and time to change a first impression.” From experience all of us have had the do over wish. How often does that “do over” involve some form of etiquette: not listening, talking too much, talking with our mouth full, rambling, or not knowing how to interrupt. Just not knowing how to handle the situation?
I propose the thought that by helping children learn manners we are helping children feel more comfortable in social situations. Anything goes is often not acceptable. I’m talking here about manners such as not interrupting, eye contact, not talking with a mouth full, dressing for the occasion, and thinking before speaking: using “ please,” a sincere “thank you,”, and” yes” instead of “yeah” in a formal situation. It is an appropriate way to show concern for others, appreciation and interest for others, and with that giving respect to people. These are life skills that save embarrassing moments and show anyone in a positive light.
I propose the theory that the reason we have children acting out (at those inopportune times) is often because they are not equipped with an idea of what they are supposed to do or what is expected of them. Children may hear “don’t do that,” or “that’s inappropriate”. The flip side is that the child needs to be given direction on what should be done, and yes what is appropriate. Children want to be a part of a situation and want attention but have no skills to get that attention in a socially acceptable way.
I would like to suggest that there is still a place for manners. Taking it a step further, it shows a sign of respect for other people. I propose that in this day and age even if we don’t use the word manners and rarely us the word etiquette society considers a person’s presentation and reputation. In this time of competition for scholarships, jobs, and even social relations, I’m wagering that first impressions and etiquette may often make the difference. Etiquette is a life skill that is currently taking a beating with attitudes of entitlement and “me” first.
A friend sent me this from Life’s Little Instruction Book. #420 says, “Take care of your reputation. It’s your most valuable asset.” Manners may be old fashioned but it affects how you present yourself and forms your reputation. If you think about it- manners are your personal form of public relations.