I have been trying to find humor in the situation in our capital. Laughter is good for the soul and I was brought up to find a little humor in the situation. So let me paint a picture of a moment of laughter for you to relieve some of the current tension. There is big drama and big concerns no matter what your political views may be concerning the use of the tax dollars you pay. Perhaps we don’t pay attention until some issue personally affects us- and this one affects everyone.
Do you remember being on the playground and watching other kids (or maybe it was you) trying to hold on to your “territory”, a spot on the playground where you and your friends always played, a game with a certain rule, or a thought you would not change thinking there is just one answer?
Picture the children on the playground with their arms crossed, one hip out, heels in the sand and lower lip extended- maybe even a line of some kind between. There were glares and usually some verbal sparring as well- usually short phrases. This continued until either the teacher or principal came over and with or without the help of others, mediated or the bell rang and everyone went into the building. Of course each group involved blamed the other for the situation.
Sometimes the frustration continued and the positions remained the same the next recess or it was forgotten and friendship was restored the next day. The line in the sand became blurred and usually ended up in a compromise. This is where collaboration skills and for many, peer mediation skills and the idea of win, win (compromise) or even core democrat values were learned and practiced.
Although what is going on in Washington is much more serious, I picture the major players being the kids on the playground. Take a moment and smile/chuckle- it’s good for your health.
Since the issues of the budget affect all of us this is where we need to practice those skills we learned growing up. We (the people) value our democracy. Many of us just take it for granted. What is decided in the next week affects each of use to remember we each pay taxes. What decisions are made affect us all as well as the health and happiness of us and the future of our children. There is no recess bell so who is going to mediate?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Wait Time
The old saying “patience is a virtue” needs to make a comeback. I am seeing impatience everywhere. I don’t know what is causing the diminishment of patience but I have noticed it in many places I go: in line at a store, in many restaurants, on the road, even at the pool.
In my state, turn right on red is an option. I was pulling up to a red light and the gentleman behind me immediately started honking the horn. This is a familiar crossroads for me so I have some idea of the light cycle, including arrows. I was looking to see where in the cycle the light change was. This person was not a teenager or a young twenty; this gentleman had gray hair I noticed as I peeked into the mirror. The gentleman was still sounding the horn. My thought then became maybe he is ill. It was time to go so I turned the corner into a school zone so as the sign stated I was going 30 miles an hour during the hours of….Long story short the gentleman tailgated me and honked some more. I pulled to the shoulder and got the finger as he drove by very quickly. (And yes it was one of those times I wish the friendly policeman had been close- we were in a school zone and yes there were children on the playground and yes he was speeding around me.) At the next light (left turn) I ended up right behind him (and I wasn’t speeding) and the light was yellow and again the aggravated driver began to honk at the car in front of him as the driver braked as the yellow arrow light turned red. I was behind THE driver until he turned into the nearest store. Nothing looked wrong as he got out the door.
There could be many lessons and directions to this story but two things came to my mind. I became aware of more than a few similar incidents in these weeks since my jarring experience. Just to be clear, I wasn’t always the person in front and I wasn’t even always the driver!! As we all learn in drivers training the person at the head of the line is in the right position to make the choice; the rest of us can’t see the entire picture of the intersection. We need to give that person the respect, safety, and patience to allow the driver to make a safe choice.
Second I connected it with teaching. In working with students for many years I have become aware of the impatience of some students toward the student that either needs or chooses to take a few extra moments to respond. When a student is thinking , forming a thought, or working through a problem, and chooses to take a few extra moments he/she is too frequently looked upon as not being as smart or bright or quick by others. Often times a waiting student chooses to respond by just saying their own answer out loud, or making a snide cutting remark about the student who is supposed to answer. Is there a fear of silence? That immediate answer may be correct but may not be the complete answer or a quality answer. To me this is another form of disrespect. Society is asking for thoughtful, problem solving, and creative students who can communicate well. Let’s give them the chance to do just that.
I am realizing the benefits of being patient when working with others. In teaching we refer to “wait time”- meaning the time a question is asked and before a response is given. About 10 years ago educators were reminded that everyone needs to allow time to formulate a good response; “think before you speak” in a new definition. In this case it is to formulate the answer not to necessary keep from saying something inappropriate. Children (and adults) need the respect to feel comfortable using that wait time. Some highly respected teachers won’t allow anyone in the room to raise a hand for maybe 40 seconds or not at all. It gives everyone an opportunity to formulate an answer or perhaps come up with more than one response. Everyone is expected to be engaged in a response. Formulating a logical thoughtout response seems to then be a priority.
I am becoming more conscious of conversations and I’ve become acutely aware of many people not giving wait time as well as cutting the sharing of a thought short. Not really listening but jumping in with an answer. And then there is the issue of volume.
I hope to never forget Mr. Lantz my junior high math teacher, who said you raise your voice, you lose the argument. Our conversations are becoming louder and more biting in general – just listen all around you- live and on the media. Our children are using adults and media as models. It is no wonder we are hearing the horns, hearing the arguments, hearing the loud put down conversations. Is it any wonder that our students don’t think before they talk?
I wonder if impatience is then a lack of understanding diversity as well as a lack of respect for others. “Patience is a virtue-think before you talk.” We need to give everyone wait time- instead of honking our horns.
In my state, turn right on red is an option. I was pulling up to a red light and the gentleman behind me immediately started honking the horn. This is a familiar crossroads for me so I have some idea of the light cycle, including arrows. I was looking to see where in the cycle the light change was. This person was not a teenager or a young twenty; this gentleman had gray hair I noticed as I peeked into the mirror. The gentleman was still sounding the horn. My thought then became maybe he is ill. It was time to go so I turned the corner into a school zone so as the sign stated I was going 30 miles an hour during the hours of….Long story short the gentleman tailgated me and honked some more. I pulled to the shoulder and got the finger as he drove by very quickly. (And yes it was one of those times I wish the friendly policeman had been close- we were in a school zone and yes there were children on the playground and yes he was speeding around me.) At the next light (left turn) I ended up right behind him (and I wasn’t speeding) and the light was yellow and again the aggravated driver began to honk at the car in front of him as the driver braked as the yellow arrow light turned red. I was behind THE driver until he turned into the nearest store. Nothing looked wrong as he got out the door.
There could be many lessons and directions to this story but two things came to my mind. I became aware of more than a few similar incidents in these weeks since my jarring experience. Just to be clear, I wasn’t always the person in front and I wasn’t even always the driver!! As we all learn in drivers training the person at the head of the line is in the right position to make the choice; the rest of us can’t see the entire picture of the intersection. We need to give that person the respect, safety, and patience to allow the driver to make a safe choice.
Second I connected it with teaching. In working with students for many years I have become aware of the impatience of some students toward the student that either needs or chooses to take a few extra moments to respond. When a student is thinking , forming a thought, or working through a problem, and chooses to take a few extra moments he/she is too frequently looked upon as not being as smart or bright or quick by others. Often times a waiting student chooses to respond by just saying their own answer out loud, or making a snide cutting remark about the student who is supposed to answer. Is there a fear of silence? That immediate answer may be correct but may not be the complete answer or a quality answer. To me this is another form of disrespect. Society is asking for thoughtful, problem solving, and creative students who can communicate well. Let’s give them the chance to do just that.
I am realizing the benefits of being patient when working with others. In teaching we refer to “wait time”- meaning the time a question is asked and before a response is given. About 10 years ago educators were reminded that everyone needs to allow time to formulate a good response; “think before you speak” in a new definition. In this case it is to formulate the answer not to necessary keep from saying something inappropriate. Children (and adults) need the respect to feel comfortable using that wait time. Some highly respected teachers won’t allow anyone in the room to raise a hand for maybe 40 seconds or not at all. It gives everyone an opportunity to formulate an answer or perhaps come up with more than one response. Everyone is expected to be engaged in a response. Formulating a logical thoughtout response seems to then be a priority.
I am becoming more conscious of conversations and I’ve become acutely aware of many people not giving wait time as well as cutting the sharing of a thought short. Not really listening but jumping in with an answer. And then there is the issue of volume.
I hope to never forget Mr. Lantz my junior high math teacher, who said you raise your voice, you lose the argument. Our conversations are becoming louder and more biting in general – just listen all around you- live and on the media. Our children are using adults and media as models. It is no wonder we are hearing the horns, hearing the arguments, hearing the loud put down conversations. Is it any wonder that our students don’t think before they talk?
I wonder if impatience is then a lack of understanding diversity as well as a lack of respect for others. “Patience is a virtue-think before you talk.” We need to give everyone wait time- instead of honking our horns.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Manners
“Mind your manners,” is an old fashioned saying that many people have heard. A lot of people tend to dismiss “old fashioned” and that seems to include manners. With the development of new ways to have contact such as computers and hand held devices the need for new practices of etiquette or manners are coming onto the scene. Have you ever been in a theater, church, class, meeting, or library and had a phone ring? Or have you sat with someone who started texting or answered a phone and stopped your face to face conversation? Curious, I looked up etiquette on Wikipedia, “Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society, though the term itself is not commonly used.”
Consider this; those people who use manners are showing respect. Often the same people receive in kind. Manners offer a way to present oneself that is socially acceptable as well as presenting a comfortable acceptable atmosphere for all involved.
Perhaps it is my age but I have been watching and thinking about manners as I people watch-not just children. Consider these two ideas; first impressions are important and everyone wants to present themselves in an acceptable format.
My Mom would say, “First impressions come once” and “it takes work and time to change a first impression.” From experience all of us have had the do over wish. How often does that “do over” involve some form of etiquette: not listening, talking too much, talking with our mouth full, rambling, or not knowing how to interrupt. Just not knowing how to handle the situation?
I propose the thought that by helping children learn manners we are helping children feel more comfortable in social situations. Anything goes is often not acceptable. I’m talking here about manners such as not interrupting, eye contact, not talking with a mouth full, dressing for the occasion, and thinking before speaking: using “ please,” a sincere “thank you,”, and” yes” instead of “yeah” in a formal situation. It is an appropriate way to show concern for others, appreciation and interest for others, and with that giving respect to people. These are life skills that save embarrassing moments and show anyone in a positive light.
I propose the theory that the reason we have children acting out (at those inopportune times) is often because they are not equipped with an idea of what they are supposed to do or what is expected of them. Children may hear “don’t do that,” or “that’s inappropriate”. The flip side is that the child needs to be given direction on what should be done, and yes what is appropriate. Children want to be a part of a situation and want attention but have no skills to get that attention in a socially acceptable way.
I would like to suggest that there is still a place for manners. Taking it a step further, it shows a sign of respect for other people. I propose that in this day and age even if we don’t use the word manners and rarely us the word etiquette society considers a person’s presentation and reputation. In this time of competition for scholarships, jobs, and even social relations, I’m wagering that first impressions and etiquette may often make the difference. Etiquette is a life skill that is currently taking a beating with attitudes of entitlement and “me” first.
A friend sent me this from Life’s Little Instruction Book. #420 says, “Take care of your reputation. It’s your most valuable asset.” Manners may be old fashioned but it affects how you present yourself and forms your reputation. If you think about it- manners are your personal form of public relations.
Consider this; those people who use manners are showing respect. Often the same people receive in kind. Manners offer a way to present oneself that is socially acceptable as well as presenting a comfortable acceptable atmosphere for all involved.
Perhaps it is my age but I have been watching and thinking about manners as I people watch-not just children. Consider these two ideas; first impressions are important and everyone wants to present themselves in an acceptable format.
My Mom would say, “First impressions come once” and “it takes work and time to change a first impression.” From experience all of us have had the do over wish. How often does that “do over” involve some form of etiquette: not listening, talking too much, talking with our mouth full, rambling, or not knowing how to interrupt. Just not knowing how to handle the situation?
I propose the thought that by helping children learn manners we are helping children feel more comfortable in social situations. Anything goes is often not acceptable. I’m talking here about manners such as not interrupting, eye contact, not talking with a mouth full, dressing for the occasion, and thinking before speaking: using “ please,” a sincere “thank you,”, and” yes” instead of “yeah” in a formal situation. It is an appropriate way to show concern for others, appreciation and interest for others, and with that giving respect to people. These are life skills that save embarrassing moments and show anyone in a positive light.
I propose the theory that the reason we have children acting out (at those inopportune times) is often because they are not equipped with an idea of what they are supposed to do or what is expected of them. Children may hear “don’t do that,” or “that’s inappropriate”. The flip side is that the child needs to be given direction on what should be done, and yes what is appropriate. Children want to be a part of a situation and want attention but have no skills to get that attention in a socially acceptable way.
I would like to suggest that there is still a place for manners. Taking it a step further, it shows a sign of respect for other people. I propose that in this day and age even if we don’t use the word manners and rarely us the word etiquette society considers a person’s presentation and reputation. In this time of competition for scholarships, jobs, and even social relations, I’m wagering that first impressions and etiquette may often make the difference. Etiquette is a life skill that is currently taking a beating with attitudes of entitlement and “me” first.
A friend sent me this from Life’s Little Instruction Book. #420 says, “Take care of your reputation. It’s your most valuable asset.” Manners may be old fashioned but it affects how you present yourself and forms your reputation. If you think about it- manners are your personal form of public relations.
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